Attachments 1–7

hey

?

sorry lol
saw you were in the asexual community and thought maybe we could be friends?
my name is Vernon

angela
id love to have more ace friends
im actually more aromantic tho please dont call me a poser

haha i would never
that’s totally valid imo
i’m not interested in policing anyone’s sexuality or gatekeeping

ok thx

i’m demi btw

bc i have had ppl invalidate me in the past and its very painful
oh really thats cool
yah im looking at ur page rn you seem dope

xD thanks
you too
love peaky blinders btw

❤ michael ❤

ikr
he’s so cool
anyways…
how’s school

Posted two weeks agook so basically i've been watching this youtuber who is like a beautician and ace and they were talking about how like beauty has been informed by het norms and when ppl talk about beauty or attraction it always has this cishet undercurrent and like
why
i mean obviously queer voices are not represented on every level but i feel like esp for ace ppl i think sometimes we have a fear that acknowledging our beauty is an invitation to be sexualized? which is a very real threat in some spaces but i think we should make our community a safe space to talk about beauty without sex entering the picture
if a flower can be beautiful so can an ace person
idk lets queer beauty standards ig
💬 6 💜 52
Posted 10 days agobtw just wanted to s/o my friend vernon xd he is super cool you guys look at this art he made me[image link broken]vern ur sooooo talented at drawing i wish i had art skill but anyway thank you so much lol also thx for giving me such beautiful hair in the drawing bc i havent showered for like four days and i promise you my hair is an absolute MESS right now and doesnt look like that at all but this way i can pretend to be tidy and put together haha
also vernon is openly demi and his home life is v stressful rn as a result so can you guys plz go follow him and show him support its rly hard for him and hes honestly soooo brave like i could never come out like that so yah plz support him
xoxo
💬 2 💜 33
Posted 8 days agoyou know what really fucking bothers me
there's not a single show right now that depicts life after capitalism
ok and this is really hard for me to say and im not trying to diss on any shows like i love peaky blinders and its basically about lower class people surviving capitalism but like
idk i guess i just get so exhausted? of like constantly watching people struggle and suffer and then have to compromise on their morals in order to be safe or happy
like michael is becoming this venture capitalist guy in america and i guess its understandable in some sense its what he has to do to provide for his family and hes gone through a lot of trauma that has really hurt him and they dont really have therapists in 20th century england? lol but anyway its just sad to see a guy i like so much becoming something that i hate
and i feel like this happens in other shows too and more sinisterly like often the "happy ending" for a queer character is to start a business or something and like
yes obviously support queer businesses not saying thats wrong at all
but it just frustrates me that the cycle of capitalism is seen as the only way for a queer person to find safety when weve spent centuries being literally persecuted in the name of capitalism
but at the same time i dont know how to portray the fall of capitalism without the show being only about that
we need more queer communist media is what im saying
💬 8 💜 11
Posted 3 days agook im super nervous about this so plz plz PLEASE be gentle lol
but the post i made last week about beauty standards
well some friends (one in particular) reached out to me thru pm to say how much it encouraged them and stuff
and basically how queer bodies are beautiful
and so i wanted to make a post demonstrating that and basically just how the ace community can be a safe space to truly be ourselves
so this is me
even tho i blocked out my face im super nervous bc im insecure about my body and ive struggled with dysmorphia in the past but its more important to practice self love
so anyway this is what i usually wear to the pool in our neighborhood except i also put shorts over it bc i dont like the idea of ppl looking at my legs in public
but this is a space where i feel secure enough to not have to do that
also i know its not that extreme and ppl put bikini selfies on their public pages and im private but like this is the most revealing picture ive ever taken? in amount of skin showing at least lol so for me this is pretty extreme
i trust you guys not to be inappropriate tho and also i really hope this inspires other queer folks to be more confident about their bodies in this space
not everyone needs to show themselves but the reason you hide what you look like should not be insecurity
also ilu all <3
[image link broken]💬 27 💜 103

WARNING: IF YOUR NAME IS NOT VERNON MCGARRAGHY DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS LINE!!! (THIS MEANS YOU JANET)

Hello Janet, you lecherous bitch, I knew you would ignore that warning. My dad only dates you so he can try and buy blowjobs from your hotter younger friends. I can only imagine how mad he’ll be once his crotch catches on fire and he realizes how many diseases you carry. Hopefully he’ll k*ll you.

neyways

Sometimes I wonder if I’m really ace. Ever since Michelle and me broke up I’ve been so listless it feels unhealthy. I tried watching porn but it just disgusted me. The whole thing feels so predatory. It’s awkward because I definitely believe the whole “sex work is real work” thing or whatever but at the same time looking at a stranger take her clothes off just makes me feel like I’m intruding somewhere I’m not wanted. I feel like maybe I could get over it if I wanted to? That doesn’t agree with what I’ve read about being demisexual though — basically you can wind up changing over time, as in your sexuality is somewhat fluid, but the key element of being demisexual is not something you can decide to get rid of.

I guess that kind of leads to the thing I didn’t want to talk about, which is that Angela has been sending me pictures. We’ve become pretty good friends even though we only know each other online — I don’t even totally know which country she lives in. Well she posted something recently about ace people can be beautiful which I agreed with and I basically PMd her and told her so. We talked about it for a little bit and then she sent me a pic of herself in a bathing suit like “is my body beautiful?” and well fuck.

I told her she should make her own post about it and kind of subtly hinted that she should use that picture. To be honest, I thought that if she made it public I would feel less weird about having seen it. But then she sent another, and another, and then yesterday she started a private alt account that only a few people have access to and she invited me to follow specifically. Which is basically saying she trusts me right. And when I went to check it out this morning she had posted…well, I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

Thing is, we really are genuinely becoming good friends. We like the same TV shows and books and musicians, and we’re both dog people — a bunch of little connections like that. It all adds together into being that Angela is someone I really feel like I can trust, and I want her to trust me. I want to share special moments with her: I want to be there for her when she graduates, or when her dad comes back for her, or if he doesn’t come back at all, I want to share in her joy and her pain and feel it all with her, for her. I love that I can confide in her about my home life, and my insecurity. I told her last week about how I wasn’t confident in my sexuality and she totally empathized and really encouraged me a lot. I feel like she’s just such a great person and a great friend.

At the same time, I realize now that I do have sexual needs, and I haven’t been getting fulfilled. And Angela is basically the only person who’s available to me in that way. But really she’s not, because she’s ace, like, full on grey ace, and totally aromantic to boot. So basically I have a miniscule chance at fucking her, and zero chance of dating her. I was wondering earlier today if she would be willing to idk do a fwb thing? online? and by that I mean she could just send me pictures and we don’t have to talk about it, so maybe she wouldn’t mind as much? But that feels selfish. I would be taking advantage of her appearance and giving nothing she wanted in return. Also it would totally contradict what I said about the body positivity post. So that’s a stupid idea.

But now I have this private account and idk what to do. I’m afraid because I know that I could definitely influence her into posting more explicit stuff there and I feel like I shouldn’t but at the same time I really don’t know what else to do. I have to respect my body’s desires as well. “Queer people practicing self care” or whatever, all too often trauma overwhelms and yada yada.

Okay hang on let me actually find the quote.

Ok here it is:

It is doubly important for queer folx to practice self care. Not only because of the additional stress that queerphobia and capitalism places on us every day simply by living in an unjust society. Not only because we are disproportionately at risk for so many things, including mental health, poverty, sexual assault and murder. Not only because queer people are denied healthcare and must therefore take responsibility for our wellbeing solely by ourselves. But because both historically and today, the trauma of living under heteronormative oppression all too often overwhelms our natural instincts to protect and value ourselves. We must be diligent about practicing self care because otherwise we so rarely will.

I told Angela I felt like a poser, like a straight guy pretending to be queer for clout or something. It was stupid stuff. She said I couldn’t be pretending for clout because being demi had ruined my relationship with my family, which is true, my dad hates me for my sexuality and for coming out to him. She also said my queerness was never in question for her, and I shouldn’t let doubts overwhelm me. See this is what I mean when I say she’s a really good person.

I dunno what to do.

Posted Today at 10:17 PMso still early days in my self-love/body-positivity journey but I wanted to share with you all xoxo
basically what happened is i was getting out of the shower and drying my hair and when i looked in the mirror i realized - i look damn good
which is not something ive ever thought before lol
but i really was like wow im actually.......beautiful?
like totally a bizarre thought to me
and then i realized it shouldn't be like this should be normal i should see myself in the mirror and say yas binch slay (well not exactly that im not that cringey lol) but like i deserve to admire myself
so sorry for being a needy hoe but like i would really appreciate some positive affirmations and also i will def give them back compliment4compliment and ilu all
this is what i looked like right after my shower yall
[image link broken]💬 4 💜 4

u sers?
wait plz tell me ur joking
what?

no not joking lol
should i not have said that lol

uh
vernon that actually makes me really uncomfortable
plz dont talk like that ever again

what do you mean
why would that make you uncomfortable
you specifically asked me lol

omg v i was kidding
i was kidding around
i thought that was safe

angela

i thought that was safe
sorry double send

i’m not asking you for anything you know
literally just telling you how i felt

“got you off”?????
???????????????
????what the fuck is wrong with you????

what do you mean what is wrong with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
why are you mad at me literally just for passively appreciating your body

this is so gross i didnt want anyone to do this

then why did you pm me more pics?

omg i thought you were safe i told you
i thought you were ace

i’m demi angela
also not to put to fine a point on it but you’re literally my only outlet right now

for s*x????
youve never mentioned anything about htis before
were you doing this before too???

for so many things
not just whatever sexual needs or whatever

thats fucking disgusting
youre disgusting

angela wait

fuck you vernon

listen you’re right i should have told you
i’m sorry i didn’t i was a bad friend
but please just hear me out
i was afraid because while i do find you attractive i know you’re ace and i wanted to respect that and i was afraid that if i said anything it would push you away
but at the same time i have been really unhealthily celibate ever since my ex and i broke up
and you were like the one friend i had who was interesting to me in that way
i’m sorry it was totally inappropriate i definitely deserve your scorn
just please don’t block me
angela
yt

i just feel so gross
i feel violated
im trying to empathize with you vernon

please angela
i really like you and i think of you as my friend and i don’t want to lose that
i don’t want my sexuality to be the reason we can’t be friends
you don’t have to trust me right away
just let me make it up to you somehow


i dont know vernon
im going to block you from my private account though

angela don’t do that
you don’t have to do that

why not

i promise i won’t do anything
not like that
you don’t have to kick my off your private

how do i know i can trust you

do you really think i would lie to you now
after hitting my lowest point

maybe
i didnt think you would lie to me before

i’m so fucking ashamed of myself
i wish i wasn’t demisexual so so so so so bad
life would be so much easier
you would be able to trust me
because i wouldn’t be interested in you because i would have so many other options

thats not your fault
never apologize for who you are vernon
even if you did something bad its not as bad as wishing to be straight

i’m really sorry angela
i meant for this to happen completely differently i just lost control
i’m so fucking sorry

im tired
im going to bed idk ill decide what to do in the morning

good night angela
i’m so sorry

gn vernon
im mad at you but your sexuality doesnt make you a worse person in any way
never believe that plz

ok
i’m sorry
gn

gn

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